


To Protect

by Butter_Scotch36



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: F/M, Gore, Violence, lemon/lime
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-14
Updated: 2015-04-08
Packaged: 2018-03-17 18:21:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3539372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Butter_Scotch36/pseuds/Butter_Scotch36
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They both share a certain similar feeling, but for a different reason.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fear

“A-Ayato.” Her shaky voice echoed inside the large room.

The darkness enveloping the spacious room made it seem as if there was no hope for her or anything else - except for the moonlight that was cracking through the blindfolds.

There was no reply, just thick silence, that made her stomach squirm in fear and sadness and her vision - that was being blurred with tears - had flashed many different colors, causing her trembling legs to stagger. She caught herself though, grasping onto the doorknob while her other free hand was placed on top of her stomach. 

The tears that had gathered in her eyes began pouring down, heavy sobs escaping her blood-stained lips. Her amber eyes shifted around the dark room, and the anxiety that had been building up inside was starting to grow. She sniffed the air, and her breath hitched when she caught his intoxicating smell - he was there, but he just wasn’t replying.

It didn’t make her feel any better, the fact that Hinami was crying but he didn’t even bother to come and comfort her. She should’ve expected it, but deep inside, there was still a little hope that Ayato at least cared for her - maybe even love her. But that was slowly starting to disappear, and was being replaced with hatred, anxiety, fear….

Fear. Fear. Fear. Fear. Fear. Fear. Fear. Fear.

The voice in her head had been repeating the damn word inside her mind the whole day, and she was starting sick of it now. It was destroying her - because she knew she had several of fears, and most of them came true. Losing her Kaneki Onii-Chan, the sudden disappearance of her Touka Onee-Chan, her parent’s death, and now this fear-

Hinami was in love with someone who she was sure didn’t love her - just used her to his own benefits and pleasure. She was his playtoy - nothing else but that, and it destroyed her both physically and mentally. And the worst part was that she still loved him, adored him, and was willing to do anything for him to the point of risking her own life.

(But she knew that Ayato would never do the same.)

She let out a shaky sigh, slowly leaning against the doorway, sliding down onto the hard wooden floor. Her hand was still holding onto her stomach, safely and securely. “It’s important.” She managed to say without stuttering, as salty water began flooding down her face. “Please, just listen - this once.”

And a few minutes later, the sound of footfalls began to fill the quiet atmosphere, and her eyes lingered away from the floor and towards blue haired boy, that was a few steps away from her. His eyes were dark, cruel, piercing into her watery ones - the look of hatred he was flashing at her made Hinami feel more hopeless.

“Hinami."

Silence.

“Speak now, or I’ll leave.”

Her quivering hand that been holding onto her stomach, reached out for his own, waiting for him to hold onto it. Even if it was just lie, even if it was just for a little while - she just wanted to feel his warmness. 

(She just wanted his love, but his love was something he was afraid to give her.)

And after a while of waiting, of having her hand hang out for him to hold on to, Hinami slowly began putting it down with eyes on the ground. And again, warm water began pouring down - but this time, instead of crying out loud, Hinami bit down her lip so her sobs wouldn’t come out, the metallic taste of blood slithering into her mouth.

“Look, I have a mission to do,” Ayato said, “I have no time to waste if there’s no reason-”

She didn't let him finish the sentence - the sound would be too crude for her to hear, and even then, a sudden boiling rage began building up inside of her.

Hinami slammed her fist into the nearest wall, breaking through the brown carved wood - the wet feeling of her blood trailing down and dripping against the floor, slowly but then picking up pace. There’s silence, only the sound of liquid hitting the surface and shaky sobs.

She staggered, almost fell back down while getting herself back up, to look at him face-to-face. “There’s obviously a reason why I’m calling you here.” Removing her bloody hand from the wall, she wiped away the tears that had spilled down her face, blood tainting her face. When her eyes met his - it was a mixture of anger and fear now. 

There’s another pause, the third time it happened right then. It didn’t make Hinami feel better - she felt herself growing dizzy by the second, and her vision flashing red and white, and for the nausea she was feeling earlier to come back.

He gazed her, and after a while, decided to take a few steps towards her and she flinched when she saw him raising his hand - almost certain Ayato was going to hit her. “I’m not a monster.” The words crumbled out of his lips like rocks tumbling down a mountain, and the feeling of his hand on her face, wiping away the blood, made her think of the waves in the ocean - slow at first, but then coming crashing down, violently.

Although his wasn’t violent, hesitant at first then with more confidence. “There’s no use of telling me though...” His hands trailed down towards her lower lip, brushing it thoroughly. "I won't be able to help you if I'm not here"

From what he was saying, Ayato was probably going to leave again, and by the looks of it, not just for one day only.

"It doesn't matter." Hinami said, her hands gripping onto his shoulder tightly. "You just need to know...b-but don't get angry at me." The few sprinkles of blood began to mix with her tears that had begun coming out. The thought of him yelling and getting angry, made her cringe. "Don't hate me e-even-"

The gap between them is closed, when his open mouth lips crashed into her own, soft and slick - sticky heat as their tongues swirled around together, tangling with one another. Small sobs and gasps would escape through the corners of his lips until he pressed against, shifted his mouth against her, tasting her - savoring her mixed flavor of blood, love, and fear. 

He, as usual, broke the kiss first - brutally and fast. And then he stared at her, face ducked down and her right hand slowly touching her wet, bruised lips.

"I really don't understand you," Hinami whispered.

His hands slipped around her neck and threaded through the back of her hair, tugging her face upwards. His warm breath caressed her lips and every other corner of her face. "I don't either - but that doesn't matter now, does it?" He nibbled on her lower lip, sucked on it - it felt as if he was trying to tell her something, almost like a warning. "I won't be here, Hinami."

She winced at his words, and this time, Hinami pulled away. Brown eyes stared into his own, trying, searching for an answer. "W-we need you." The words spilled out of her soaked mouth, came tumbling down like a rock - hard and brutal - causing both to shake. 

Ayato didn't notice when she reached out for his hand nor when it was placed on top of her stomach. He was the one was searching for the answer now, looking into her eyes, waiting for an explanation. 

"D-don't leave." Hinami sobbed, ducking her down, so he wouldn't see her miserable face. "Maybe after it's born - but just not now."

"Hinami..."

She looked back up to him, body shaking and mouth opening to repeat her words once again. "We need you."

Now, Ayato was the one who was holding onto Hinami, grasping and clinging onto her as if his dear life depended on her. 

He’s the first to break their hug, and this time when he’s staring at her, it seemed to be a mixture of what seemed to be happiness and love - and he was just so desperately to give that to her.

But there was something else - it was making him tremble while holding onto her and when she looked deeper into his eyes, she saw the same word that had been bugging, destroying, her all that day.

(Fear.)

.

.

.

Fear of what though?


	2. Sins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was a sin - and he thinks that she never noticed that.

(He was a sin.)

His arms were wrapped around her, caressing the smooth skin one minute, and the next minute, brutally grabbing the young woman by the neck and breaking it off, with one simple twist. His lips twisted into a senile smile, as his eyes watched the blood gush down, of the young woman's neck. He pushed it away, the head rolling off the body. Bending down, he began sinking his sharp teeth into the skin and mercilessly ripping it apart, piece by piece.

It was cheap meat - the sour taste of her blood savored his mouth, causing him to grimace. Then again, what was Ayato expecting? It was a whore he had just killed. He could've chosen a better prey, but he didn't have time for that.

He spits it out and decided to go for the main courses that he was hunting for. Fingers trailed upwards to her stomach and start working quickly, ripping open the skin, blood exploding and tainting both his fingers and face.

His mouth waters, as he starts tearing apart the lean pieces of the liver and kidney, and storing it away quickly into a bag. Jabbing his hand deeper inside the body, he found his favorite part - the heart - and wasted no time, and tugged it out, along with other arteries that decided to come.

Ayato was starving, his stomach felt like a bottomless pit - not like he'd ever admit it to anyone though. He enjoyed the feeling at some point - the way his stomach would twist and turn and burn with hunger - and then the way it would get satisfied when he would kill and eat one of the best preys he could.

It was all fun and games to Ayato - then again, isn't that what survival was?

Right now, he wasn't hunting for himself, to his complete astonishment. He was currently hunting for someone else - someone who was in need of it and he was willing to do it for that person.

"Not bad." Ayato murmured, stuffing the spongy pieces of flesh into the bag, getting up and kicking away the body.

He began running, enjoying the feeling of the fear and excitement that pierced through his body - the thought of meeting other ghouls or perhaps some Doves never leaving his fucked up mind. There was no need to worry though, not when the black cape coiling his body blended into the shadows perfectly.

(He was a sin - and he thinks that she never noticed that.)

.

.

.

When he arrived back home, all lights were off and Ayato immediately assumed that she was asleep - not like he was surprised, because, well, she was pregnant. That must've taken away plenty of her energies. So when he twisted the door knob pened, he did it as silent as possible, attempting to avoid all noises.

He walked into the house, pausing to look around the small area, and then walking deeper inside - into the kitchen. It was a short visit - just threw the bag filled with flesh on top of the table and then going for a drink of water. His lips were chapped, and his throat felt dry; hunting that bitch took away most of his energy today.

He took a few gulps of water, the refreshing feeling overtaking his body.

"Ayato-kun."

The sound of her voice both startled and soothed him at the same time; if anything, he would tell her that she scared him instead of soothing. He was always so mean to Hinami, even when he found out she carrying his child - he knew for a fact there was a reason, but the weird thing was that he didn't know it himself.

(Fear. Fear. Fear. Fear. Fear. Fear. Fear.)

"Why aren't you asleep?" Ayato questioned, turning around but avoiding any eye contact at all. "It's late, you know."

"I was waiting for you." Hinami replied.

"I do recall saying I was coming late." Ayato said bitterly, and he doesn't notice how mean he sounds, after the long pause of silence between the two. He slightly grimaced, and had the urge to just fuck himself with any available knife. Now he sure as hell couldn't say anything, let alone, look at her.

She must've been hurt, and as hard as it sounds to believe, Ayato loathed seeing her in such condition. Sometimes, he wasn't sure who he hated more - Hinami, for being emotional, or himself, for being emotionless.

"Sorry." Hinami murmured.

There's that word again - hearing that word, specifically from Hinami, pissed him off. She wasn't the one who had to say sorry; it was him and he knew it - he should have said it right then and there, but Ayato was too fucking proud to ever say it.

Thoughts were cut into halves when he heard footsteps coming near, and his head ducked upwards, only to meet with concerned, honey colored eyes. The way she looked at him - practically yelling that all she wanted was for him to give her love. His hands slightly trembled, itching with the need of stroking those wet, puffy lips - and her soft, delicate skin, and the feeling of her smooth hair.

Ayato was so busy thinking about how much he missed her, that he didn't even notice that her hands were caressing his face until a while later - when her fingers trailed downwards to his collarbone, where violently scratches and bites adorned his skin. It made him jolt, especially when he saw her bit back tears that formed her eyes and that smile she put up.

"I was hunting." Ayato explained, or at least attempted to. "The bitch was-"

"You're skinny." Hinami said, cutting him off and it took him a while to regenerate - damn, he was so fucking stupid.

"Look who's talking." Ayato scoffed.

She doesn't reply with words, but with a laugh - a small delicate one. The sound of it was music to his ears, and made heat pool his body.

Her eyes shift away from his collarbone and towards the table, where the bags of. "You should be the one eating." She looked back to him, and their eyes connected once again - his breath hitched, at the sight of her. She was beautiful, so delicate.

"I'm not the one who's pregnant." he said, and that's what finished it.

There was a pause, just Ayato's steady breaths and Hinami's low, incoherent moans, as he snaked his arm around her, pushing her closer till there was no space at all. Their foreheads were banged together, eyes melting with one another.

"Doesn't give you no excuse to not eat." she murmured.

"You should worry about yourself more than me." Ayato flashed bitterly, trying to calm his inner lust for her. The way she circling around her collarbone made him grow hard with each second that past. "I can take care of myself - I'm not weak."

"Are you saying I am?"

Silence.

"Yeah, I am." Ayato said, and then he paused again, thought about what he said, and the familiar feeling of regret drove through his body. “That’s why you have me!” He quickly added, before looking away awkwardly.

He couldn't talk to her anymore - at least not right now. He attempted to push her away, but her fingers curled against him, forceful and strong. He doesn’t know what to tell her - things felt weird now and it was all his fault.

“I have you because I love you.” she stated, voice just as stern as her fingers, which went upwards to his chin - forcing him to look at her. She could be just as serious as he could be, but never showed it; it wasn’t in her nature and it was weird to say, but that was another reason why he loved her in the first place.

“And you’re wrong.” Hinami continued. “I’m not weak - maybe not as strong as any other ghoul should be, but not as pathetic either.”

“Did it hurt you that I said that?” Ayato forced a smirk on his face.

“It clearly gave me a view of what you think of me.” Hinami replied, lips ghosting over his own, caressing his wet ones and giving it chaste licks. “It makes me hope that our child is more like you, and not like me.”

And it clearly wasn’t suppose to be taken that way, but Ayato didn’t have the patience to explain it to her by words, and instead, lost all control.

Hinami gasped as she was pushed against the nearest wall, and his lips - soaked and broad - against her neck, kissing and biting, tasting the sweetness of her skin that he longed for.

"A-Ayato!" she moaned, tangling her fingers through his soft hair.

He tugged her blouse down, and began leaving open mouth kisses along her collarbone, paused on top of her jugular vein and began licking, sucking. He gave the certain sensitive area small love bites, grazing his teeth over and over.

And while one of his hands held her closely from the back, the other began sneaking under her skirt and circled around her moist clit, causing her to let out wet mewling noises. “I-I love you - so much, Ayato!”

It was hushed whisper, but it had a massive effect.

The words caused a sudden feeling of fear to his body again - and he could tell he was going to regret all this, showing her affection and how much she meant to him. She would get used to it - no matter how little he showed her. She would want more after this, maybe even go to the extent of begging him.

Ayato could already smell the consequences -

But he didn't stop, nor did he have plans to do so. He was going to fulfill his own greedy pleasure, forget the damn consequences.

It was a sin he was doing - putting her life in danger, or over, putting his child in danger - just for his own pleasure.

It didn't matter though.

This wasn't his first sin anyways.


	3. Mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To her, it was a dream come true.
> 
> To him, everything that happened between them was a mistake.

Her heart palpitated violently with anxiety, as she huddled in the bed, attempting to coil herself in whatever warmth there was. There wasn't any though - not when she was alone, trapped inside a pitch black room, with only the moonlight cracking through the blinds.

They had met up with Eto earlier today, and it didn't go bad, but it didn't go well either. It was awkward, or to be more specific, the way Eto had been putting it during their meeting.

She wasn't sure about Ayato, but it bothered at some point. Hearing thing such as, "You might not make it while giving birth" or "The baby could die." wasn't really the best thing to say, especially when she probably near her due date.

Although both of those statements were true, there was no need of reminding them - or more like, her. She wasn’t sure whether Ayato cared about their child or not, but she wasn’t planning on keeping her hopes high that he did.

"Why do you always stay up?" the angered voice caused her to jolt in fear, and to duck her head, and to huddle into whatever warmth she's trying to capture.

Hinami was so sure that he was going to scold her if she replied. But she hated staying alone, especially during a time like this - she just wanted Ayato near her, to comfort her, and hold her.

That was something she couldn't have though, but just couldn't keep the cold truth in her mind.

The sound of hard footsteps broke her thoughts, and she bit her lip to stifle back any sobs. It wasn't out of fear she was crying - just out of loneliness and pain, because no matter how many times he could touch her, thrust into her - it wouldn't be out of love. No, it would be to complete his own pleasure.

Ayato placed his cold hand on top of her head, and after a while, took his seat next to her. "You're so warm, Hina."

Eyes slightly widened at how soft he sounded, that it took her a while to even react. The way he had said her name just now, with so much love - it bought her happiness, but also left her confused.

"And you're so cold." Hinami said, snatching his hand and rubbing it between her own. "You could get sick."

Even though her head was ducked down, she could see him grimace.

It was that part of her that Ayato hated the most out of all her soft features - how much she cared, even though he was so damn cruel to her. He would get pissed most of the time, and would end up saying things he usually didn't mean.

She wanted to change - change so Ayato could actually love her, and not use her. But Hinami wasn't one to fake who she was nor was one to act cold; that wasn't the way she brought up.

"I didn't come home to get warm." Ayato said, and a small chuckle escaped her lips; the tsundere-ness in his voice was practically oozing out.

"You'll be frozen."

"Just like my heart."

Another chuckle, but this time, a sad one. He was always so pessimistic - she couldn't blame him, but sometimes it was so unnecessary. She never told him what she felt; he would just brush it off anyways.

There was nothing to really say after that - and even if there was, he wouldn't pay attention. So she would rather just leave it be, and drown in the uncomfortable silence that hung in the air. But then she noticed that she was still gripping onto his hand, firmly, and that it wasn’t too cold anymore.

Hinami slowly let his hand slip away from her grasp, like sand falling through the small cracks of her fingers. And she wasn’t sure why, deep inside her heart, that she had a small amount of hope that he would suddenly hold onto it - wanting to cling onto her, just like how she did to him.

But then, she frowned, remembering that this whole thing was a mistake and there was no feelings from his side - even when he made it seem like it. She’s the only one that loved him, and wanted to stay with him , while he didn’t.

“Why so silent?”

"What's there to say?"

"I'm sure there's plenty."

He slid out of his coat and wrapped it around her. The familiar smell of blood reached her nose, and caused her to shiver, images of the very brutal deaths he must've done.

It didn't make her fear him, more like disappointment. He killed for no reason sometimes, just wanted to hear the sounds of bones cracking and painful screams. That brought him joy, while it brought her nothing but sadness.

"You stay silent when you're angry..."

"I'm not angry though."

"Sure you aren't."

Ayato smiles slightly, flopping onto the bed and stretching lazily. She slightly turned to look at him, and to her complete surprise, he's already staring at her - their eyes lock right on the spot.

She turned away though, unable to bear his look any longer - was it love in those eyes of his, or was it pity? He confused her so much, and that had to be the only thing she hated about him.

"Need an invitation to sleep?"

She shook her head, and slowly slid down back to the soft cushion, and sighed nervously. His muscular arms wrap around her stomach, pushing her towards him. His warm fingers drum against her stomach, soothingly, but it doesn't make her feel any better.

He wanted to tell her something.

"What’s wrong?”

“Do you really want to know?”

“Isn't that why I’m asking you.”

A pause. A long pause, and it just made her feel more nervous and more uncomfortable, and the overall feeling just bought her fear. She wasn’t sure what he was going to tell her - it seemed like something bad though.

Hinami felt corned right then - the words unspoken where stones, and she was inside a pitch black area, with no where to run or hide. She was alone - all alone.

“You told me that...that I could leave once it’s born.” Ayato spoke, and her eyes widened and she bit her lip to hold a small gasp of astonishment. “I’m pretty sure you remember - I don’t think pregnancy causes you to lose your memory.”

Hinami stood dead silent, eyes burning with tears and millions of ideas running through her mind. He wanted to leave her - he wanted to leave her and their child. It was Hinami’s fault though, for telling him he could just leave after it was born, but she didn't think Ayato would actually do it.

She had faith in him - maybe not that he was going to love her, but their child. He judged his father so much, that he had left and was too weak to protect him and his sister. But now look - he was willing to abandon her, in a blink of a fucking eye.

Hinami was itching to tell him off, but she doesn't.

“It’ll be the best for both of us.” Ayato said, and she could feel him pulling her closer, until there was no space between them. “Perhaps...perhaps, we’ll be happier.”

The truth began to ring inside of ear, loud and crude, and whatever tears she was holding, come rolling down. She might’ve been happy with her - but he wasn't. Maybe he wanted someone better - someone who could actually stand up for herself, and wouldn't need help hunting, and was actually strong - someone that wasn't like her.

He didn't want to stay with her, and she wasn't going to force him.

“You don’t mind, right?” Ayato spoke again.

Silence.

"This was all a mistake anyways."

.

.

.

To her, it was a dream come true.

To him, everything that happened between them was a mistake.

.

.

.

Though together, they both fall asleep cold and lonely.


End file.
